--written February 2012--
it's funny, when people tell me that the biggest life experiences include moving, getting married, or having kids.
well, right now, i am getting married.
i am a bride (eek, it still doesn't sound like a title i've snuggled up to). often though, i am referred to as 'my bride' by any one of the people involved with the wedding plans. i am alina's bride, annette's bride, cean & jeremy's bride, heather's bride, ladawn's bride, i am also a mission inn bride. this can be scary to some wedding industry insiders who aren't on the list of authorized mission inn vendors. . .
i'll only be a bride for the next couple of months, so let's get on with my bridal business.
when i first got engaged... i received the best and most cautionary advise from none-other than my hairdresser. she TOLD me, "when you get married: you'll really learn a lot about your friends, the people who you thought were your rocks may very well take off on you, and others will really surprise you, and become the rocks you never knew you had" well, i've already gone through the cycling and recycling of friends and social circles. i do now see that i have some good friends, some really great friends, and a few peripheral friends.
what has been most interesting to me is how your friendships grow and evolve when faced with a major life change. but what is significant is how you deal with your friends, and how you resolve yourself within these friendships. i'm not talking about changing one's persona or attitude based on who's around... like when you temper your language around a particularly religious or conservative person. i'm talking about how a person challenges you.
a friend will cheer you on in the good times, hold your hand in the bad times, and hold a mirror up to you when you're not being genuine and call you out. when faced with that mirror, it's more about you than it is about them. a friend will love you enough to have the courage to bring to your attention that something is off. whether it's PMS, fatigue, or just outright grumpy-ness.
---after the wedding---
but sometimes, just sometimes you're lucky enough to look at your friends and know that it has always been about the quality, and not the quantity. my heart broke into a thousand pieces when my former best friend faded away and started to walk her own path. i felt left behind, betrayed, unimportant. i couldn't figure out what i had done wrong, and i couldn't remember what i had even done right. once i finally stopped beating myself up over the whole situation, i looked around and realized that we had grown up, and finally grown apart. our similarities were no more, our shared interests became what divided us... of course i miss the good times, we had a lot of history together -- but now i know we just weren't meant to be friends forever. as sad as that is... it's something i've struggled with. of course it was weird to get married and SHE wasn't there, she wasn't even aware. . . but i look back and remember the great times we had, i think of her fondly, i tend to the broken pieces of my heart when they start to hurt. and i look forward.
what i failed to realize that this incredible man who i was lucky enough to meet 12 years ago, date for 10 years, be engaged to for a year and finally marry just a short time ago IS MY BEST FRIEND. i was so focused on what i was loosing, i almost didn't see what i was gaining. who else can you call with the good news, and the bad. who else will help you out when you need it, laugh at you when something's really funny.. cry with you, share your pain. who else will love you in times of good, times of bad, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer -- your best friend does.
